know better, do better

I can't count how many times I've heard someone discuss how their parents damaged them, and how they are damaging their kids in some other way, and before becoming a mother, I'd just laugh along and share some ridiculous story about my (damaging?) childhood.
To be candid, though, I do think there were some very damaging mistakes made by my parents(dad) in some important formative years. But I've forgiven them (him), because you just do the best you can. I don't doubt that my father loves my brother and I, and only wanted to do what was best for us in the wake of our mother's death--he certainly didn't mean for those subsequent decisions to have implications that lasted into adulthood for both of us.
So then, my thoughts turn to my baby daughter, seven months old yesterday, and wondering, if it is inevitable that I will mess her up in some way, despite all intentions, is it worse to do so because I love her too much and spoil her some, or is it worse for her to experience great sorrow and hardship and be forced to deal with it alone?
There is a concept among parenting books about "normal adversity", that basically asserts that children need the normal ups and downs of life to learn how to cope. I do want Elise to have that. But if something highly traumatic happens in her life, I'm not going to sweep it under the rug and never speak of it again--I'm going to see that she gets all the love, support, attention, and help she needs to know that she is loved and ok and will always be.
I've always thought that kids with parents that are too "cool" turn out rotten. So, by that token, I guess Elise is doomed. :-)