body whoas!

I bought Jillian Michael's "30-Day Shred" workout this week, hoping to re-start some sort of fitness routine. 30 days isn't a long commitment, and this workout promises "results."

I'm not exactly sure what "results" I'm expecting or even desire. I've lost everything I gained whilst pregnant--and then some because of breastfeeding. Despite weighing less than I did pre-preg, my body is nothing (nothing!) like it was. I recently told a friend that I like myself now much better than the person I was in my 20's. But I must admit--I miss that 20-something body. I miss being firm and proportioned and strong--breastfeeding and lack of exercise has dissolved any muscle I used to have. I helped Danny pull up carpet in the basement last night and I was sore enough today to require ibuprofen. EVERYTHING hurt--I'm very obviously not as strong as I used to be, even a year ago. I want to get my strong body back so I can do the work my body was made to do. This is a milestone in body image and acceptance for me. My former twisted logic, sadly, intertwined what my body looked like and how lovable I was. That is the mentality of my 20's that, thankfully, has gone away (along with the body of my 20's!) Thought--are we harder on ourselves when we are closer to "perfection" because we can't quite get there? My body now is so different than what it was ten years ago--but I have stopped criticizing it for having cellulite or a waist that isn't as small as I would like. It works exactly as it was designed to work--it grew and protected my precious daughter, and now I am nourishing her with the mechanisms nature intended. Every time someone comments on her growth or her "chubbums" (our name for her rolly polly parts), I am so proud--because my milk gave her the nutrients and energy to grow. I also think I've gained some perspective: I have better things to do with my time than to obsess about what my butt looks like and spend hours a week at the gym to STILL not be happy with my butt!