Last night I had the distinct pleasure of going to see Stevie Wonder at Starlight. Nana came to stay with Elise, so it was a rare treat for Danny and I to go somewhere together without her. Needless to say, I wanted to look pretty/special for our date. I thought I did an ok job with this... until we arrived at Starlight and I saw everyone dressed to the nine's, and realized that my standards for "working it" have really lowered. To wit: I wore a tan a-line skirt with a green, orange, and white floral pattern. I've always thought it was a cute skirt, and I still wear it all the time even thought its like 5 years old. I wore it with a brown sleeveless v-neck t-shirt that is a very thin, drapey fabric. I used to wear this breezy summer outfit with sandals all the time, and thought it looked very nice.
Here's the rub, though: my body has changed so much since pregnancy, that I really should have worn something else that fit my "new" body better. The t-shirt was way way way too tight across my chest (didn't realize it till I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror at Starlight) and I've lost so much muscle that I have NO shape at all in my butt/legs, so the skirt just hung all limp around me. I've cut my hair recently, and with the humidity recently, I cannot get it to smooth down and be the sleek texture that my haircut really requires to look cute. So, lately I've just been putting it into a little stubby pony tail, which looks cute if I'm wearing shorts and a t-shirt, but not for a night out (but that is how I wore it.) Make up consists of mascara and a dusting of powder, and my tired eyes really need more these days, lest I look like a corpse.
I did not feel good about myself, and wished I had given my appearance more time. I realized that whereas it is liberating to not obsess over your body and your appearance because motherhood has placed other things in higher priority, it isn't ok (at least not for me) to not have the ability or desire to look great when the situation calls for it. I don't even look good for work anymore; I really need to work on that as well. It is not professional to go to work in clothes that are ill fitting or wrinkled, with unkempt hair and no make-up. Some days I don't even blow dry my hair OR wear make-up. This is not acceptable if I want to be anything more than I currently am at work (which is up for debate as well--not sure I want or can handle more responsibility with my attention and time divided like it is now.)
I don't want to slowly let myself go. I want to always show that I value caring for myself as well as my family. I wouldn't allow Elise to not be well-rested, clean, and nicely dressed. I wouldn't not feed her healthy food and allow her to not get enough playtime/exercise--so I need to take care of myself to a similar degree. Its liberating, for sure, to not feel like I have to be as thin or pretty as possible, so I should adjust my standards--sure. But I need to make sure they are high enough for ME, so I can walk with my head held high and know that I'm doing the best I can in all areas of my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment