a new thing to worry about

I watched a movie last night about the impact of a daughter's drug addiction on a family. It was heart-wrenching. Of course it was a work of fiction, but art imitates life, and I can't imagine that this story hasn't been lived in reality 100 times over. I have a hard time imagining my amazingly cute sweet tiny baby daughter as an addict, but who does imagine that, as they hold their sleeping child and marvel at the innocence and sweetness of someone who isn't yet faced with adult choices and consequences.

I pray nightly that God will give me the strength to be strict when I need to be, and that I am able to give her the tools she needs to make good decisions. Its an enormous responsibility--and it doesn't come with a guarantee. I think that is the hardest part for me to stomach. We can do everything "right"--but Elise is her own person. And she will make mistakes, some that will hurt her, and some that will hurt us. It occurs to me that we are in the "easy" stage of parenting right now (ye gods!)

I have my own sad story about families being torn apart by the actions of a single member, and I was reminded of it today because of the weather this morning; I stepped outside after the rain and it was very humid, yet cool. It reminded me of the summer mornings when I lived with my aunt and uncle briefly when I first moved to Florida. Every morning (before I got a job) I would wake up and, still in my pjs, walk through the screened in porch that separated my "apartment" from the rest of their house, and join my aunt for her walk around the pond and coffee/newspaper reading and discussion. I've never had a very close bond with my dad, and I wasn't close at all to my stepmother, but I was very, very close to her sister (my stepaunt) and her sister's husband. Their family meant the world to me.
When I married Danny last year, I was asked by my father to not invite them to the wedding, because of a situation with my sister that he would not elaborate on. It was heavily implied that if I invited them, that my sister wouldn't come. It was more important to me that my sister come, so I conceded to not invite them.
When I learned what happened with my sister, my blood ran cold. I no longer saw a certain member of that family in the same light, and I knew things could never be the same. It hurts me terribly. I miss them desperately. But, some things are bad enough to tear apart families, and I don't believe there is anything that can mend them.
My whole point to this overwhelmingly negative blog is that I am realizing how hugely important it is that I am a parent to my daughter, and that I teach her the best I can--because the implications and consequences of bad decisions are very far-reaching. The actions of a single person CAN ruin families and destroy lives; it is vital that we devote every bit of our strength and passion to teaching our children right from wrong, and that there are consequences in this world--and how to make good, empathetic, future-minded decisions. So many things! I can't even begin to sum them up!