Reservations

We have talked about it ad nauseum; its virtually a done deal, this whole moving to a new city thing (I feel compelled to not name said city, even though anyone reading this who knows me will know exactly what city to which I am referring.) But, I am starting to dread it like grim death. My house hasn't sold (yet! it hasn't sold yet!) and the move isn't really imminent, but I'm already starting to mourn leaving my beloved Lawrence. This town made me who I am today--I've lived here almost as long as I lived in my hometown, save for my two year Floridian hiatus. I acknowledge it is time to move on, that there are more reasons for me to leave here than there are to stay.
All I see when I am in that city is people unlike myself. I see unhealthy people everywhere--I would venture a guess that this city has the highest smoking rate in the state. EVERYONE smokes. And, I would guess that this city has the highest obesity rate as well. Crime is high. Urban sprawl is rampant. Fast food and chain restaurants abound. Aack.
But homes are inexpensive. I wouldn't have to commute anymore. I will not have to scan the parking lot of the grocery store for my ex's car every time I want to pick up a gallon of milk. I can get on with my life like an adult who is making the best decision for her family.
One's environment can have a profound impact on mood, though. When I was in Florida, even though my job was thankless and dull, it was in Palm Beach, on Royal Palm Way, a beautiful road lined with huge royal palm trees. You could see the blue of the ocean from where I parked my car. I would walk to the beach and eat my lunch and feel amazed that this, THIS was MY life! Little old Mandy from Pumpkin Truck, Kansas was eating lunch on Palm Beach. My former marriage was no good back then either, but surrounded by the perpetual vacation that was West Palm Beach, we were constantly distracted and enchanted by our surroundings and therefore happy with our situation, despite our personal mismatch.
Its like walking into a Whole Foods market; you feel healthier just walking in the door and inhaling a whiff of that earthiness that is the smell of Whole Foods.
I think I will feel less healthy and vibrant and satisfied when we move. I hope I am wrong; I'm really trying to be upbeat and optimistic about this, because its possible my negative energy and my inability to let go of Lawrence is causing the house to go unsold. I am hereby letting the Universe know that I am letting go of Lawrence, and embracing this new place for what it is: the new, better home... the place where my family will thrive, where my husband's career will bloom, and where I can be a part of making a community better--because I want it to be better for me, for my daughter, and for the citizens there who are my coworkers and friends.