the untied shoelaces of my life

I love my daughter like I've never loved before. A viciously protective form of love, where I want to shield her from evil, hurt, malice, and negligence, and teach her everything I've learned the hard way in life so she can avoid some of the pain I've endured. I struggle daily with how to be a good parent, questioning my actions and reactions, and constantly reconciling how my parents were with me with how I am with Elise. I feel like I turned out pretty good, in spite of how I was raised! That isn't to say my parents didn't do a good job, but there were some pretty radical twists and turns that could have led me down a more destructive path. To my surprise, I came to the conclusion the other day that even though my dad was a little heavy handed on the discipline and my stepmom had bad chemicals in her brain, the fact that they supported my education and gave me a stable home was enough to launch my adult life in a productive way. In fact, because things weren't cushy and super-duper happy, I think my siblings and I "launched" better than most because we wanted to get the heck outta there and live our own lives on our own terms.

So, the question is, how do I recreate a similar childhood for Elise?

And the answer is, I don't. I will be me and I will do everything for her out of love. Right or wrong, permanently scarring or not, it will be because I love that child.